Columns

Warm birthday wishes

I flew to the desert on a plane with no name

It felt good to get out of Spo-Kane

If you sang that terrible parody of America’s 1971 hit in your head while you read it, you are my people.

And you are old.

I can say things like that now because earlier this month, I celebrated my 60th birthday.

As the milestone approached, I told my husband the only thing I wanted was to go someplace warmer. Since Spokane’s average monthly temperature in February is 32 degrees, that gave us plenty of options.

While investigating destinations, our choice became obvious. Friends who winter in Oro Valley, Arizona, have been asking us to visit for years, and aside from spending time at the Phoenix airport on my way to somewhere else, I’d never been to Arizona.

We booked the trip. When we left Spokane, the high was 28 degrees. When we arrived in Oro Valley, the high was 85. I found my someplace warmer!

After checking into our hotel, we set out for dinner at an iconic institution with a devoted following. That’s right. I visited In-n-Out Burger for the first time. A huge line of cars waited at the drive-thru, so we opted to dine in. I enjoyed an excellent cheeseburger and some mediocre fries and left satisfied but mystified by the fanatic fandom of this chain.

Derek understood it.

“It’s good, it’s fast and it’s cheap,” he said.

The next day, we drove to Dan and Connie’s condo. Derek graduated from Saguaro High School in Scottsdale, Arizona, so he might have grown a tad tired of my constant cacti commentary.

“Oh! A tall pokey one! Look! Short squatty ones! Hey! That one’s giving us the finger!”

A purple prickly pear near our friends’ front door tickled me.

“You can’t escape the Lilac City,” I said.

After a lovely lunch on their patio, we took a sunny stroll along a nearby walking/biking path. My cacti enthusiasm waned when Dan pointed out a fluffy-looking specimen.

“Don’t get too close,” he warned. “That’s a jumping cactus.”

Turns out Connie found out the hard way about the Jumping Cholla when her arm barely brushed one. She ended up pulling several painful spines from her arm.

It might be cold in Spokane, but at least our plants don’t attack us.

Later, we enjoyed a sunset dinner at a restaurant at one of Tucson’s 40 golf courses. Our patio table faced the Catalina Mountains. Their beautiful maroon, gold, amber and pink tones were nothing like the snow-shrouded Selkirks we’d left behind.

We dined outdoors for every meal except breakfast and always sat at a table facing that breathtaking vista. You can’t do that in Spokane in February.

The rest of our trip was spent exploring with our friends and on our own. Dan and Derek visited the Titan Missile Museum and the Pima Air and Space Museum, while Connie and I lunched at another golf resort and then toured model homes to see what’s trending in home décor.

She dropped me back at the hotel so I could do one of my favorite things – read a book by the pool.

Derek and I spent a morning at Gates Pass at Tucson Mountain Park, where I sustained a hiking injury. OK, I tripped over a curb at a scenic overlook and scraped my elbow – same thing!

The stark landscape with its vast solitude, the play of the light at different times of day, and the brilliant blue skies fed my soul while the sun warmed my skin.

Rejuvenated, I returned home to embrace the start of my sixties. We arrived just in time for Spokane to get an entire winter’s snowfall in three days.

Before this trip, I’d never understood the desert’s allure. I love the four seasons of the Pacific Northwest – but as I shoveled heavy, wet snow from our driveway, I thought of our friends sipping coffee on their patio.

Maybe you have to be a certain age to appreciate the resilient beauty of the desert.

Columns

Rosie and other turn ons

Each fall and winter, I’m blessed to use the home of snowbird friends as a writing retreat. When they left Spokane in September, they left behind a new member of the household – Rosie the iRobot Roomba.

Basically, it’s a vacuum cleaner. A vacuum that can be controlled by my friends’ iPhones, meaning if they wanted to, they could turn Rosie on from the safety of the southern climes and terrify the writer typing away in the solitude of their home.

Thankfully, so far, they’ve resisted temptation.

Last month with the homeowners’ return imminent, I decided to let Rosie do her thing and clean up any sandwich crumbs or M&M’s I may have lost track of.

I read the introductory note they’d left for me and approached Rosie with confidence. A push of the button and she roared to life.

Startled by the sound I took a step back. Rosie followed.

“Hey, girl,” I said. “You go do your thing.”

Obediently, she scooted under the coffee table, while I retreated to the safety of my desk.

Fascinated, I watched her zig and zag across the carpet. Her pattern was impossible to decipher. After a few passes in front of the fireplace, she headed toward a nearby bedroom, where she spent an inordinate amount of time under the bed.

I texted my friend.

“I’m letting Rosie chase me around. Does she work on hard surfaces? I haven’t seen her in the bathroom yet.”

My friend replied, “Yes, she will do it all. But she has her ways that to us mortals may seem absurd.”

No kidding. Rosie would never pass a field sobriety test. When she emerged from the bedroom, she spent several dizzying minutes cleaning under a chair before weaving down the hall like she’d had one too many martinis.

But she did a fantastic job and safely docked herself in her charging port. I then took her upstairs and set her free.

I was engrossed in my manuscript when I heard something that sounded like an alarm. My friend had warned me Rosie was prone to getting stuck under the living room sofa.

I dashed upstairs, following the pinging sound, and then heard the plaintive refrain.

“Roomba is in distress! Roomba is in distress!”

Poor Rosie. I hauled her out from under the couch.

“You silly girl,” I said, and gave her a quick pat.

It seems Rosie and Thor, my cat, have a lot in common, though Thor makes more messes than he cleans up.

I reported the successful suck-up operation to my husband when I got home. Derek is so app-averse; I knew he’d never fall for any techno gizmos.

Turns out I was wrong.

This weekend he announced, “Hey, honey, guess what I can turn on with my phone?”

None of the replies I thought of seemed appropriate.

He beckoned me to our darkened living room and pulled out his phone.

“Watch this!” he said.

Suddenly a lamp lit up.

“And I can dim it too, for mood lighting,” Derek enthused, and proudly demonstrated.

“I don’t understand. We don’t have iPhones. How does it work?”

It seems a friend had given Derek a Smart Wi-Fi LED light bulb for his birthday last summer, and my experience with Rosie had prompted him to install it.

“Isn’t it great?” he said.

“I guess so, but I’m standing right here. I can turn it on without a phone,” I replied.

He shook his head.

“I know, but I can turn it on when I pull in the driveway, or I can dim it when we watch movies. Pretty cool new technology, huh?”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him the technology was hardly new. Why all over the city, there were probably dozens of people using the Clapper to clap on/clap off their lights.

Wisely, I remembered how nice it had been to have Rosie clean the house while I worked. Then I snuggled next to Derek on the couch, while he dimmed the lights.

Our future’s looking “Rosier” all the time.