In today’s column for the Spokesman Review, I remember a very special Christmas miracle.
Christmas is all about miracles – about the unexpected showing up in the middle of the ordinary.
Angelic proclamations, a virgin birth, heavenly hosts and a bright shining star beckoning wise men from afar.
For doubters and dissenters, for skeptics and cynics, the ability to embrace the miraculous eludes, but even the most ardent believers need a reminder now and again.
Snow falls as I write, and the white-shrouded world reminds me of another December, 16 years ago, when I received my own much-needed reminder.
Our fourth son had arrived three months earlier. Sam was born with congenital diaphragmatic hernia. A hole had formed in his diaphragm during gestation, allowing his stomach and intestines to move into his chest cavity, crowding his heart and lungs. In Sam’s case, this prevented his left lung from developing.
When he was 3 days old, he underwent surgery to repair the hole in his diaphragm. After a three-week stay in the neonatal intensive care unit at Sacred Heart, we brought him home. He needed no medication, no supplemental oxygen, nursed like a greedy piglet and had none of the dreaded complications or additional health problems common with CDH.
He also had only one lung.
He did have bits of tissue where his left lung would have grown and doctors told us that lungs continue to grow into a child’s early teens. Even if that didn’t happen for Sam, we were assured it’s possible to live with one lung.
But I worried.
Night after night I sat vigil on the floor next to his cradle, watching his chest rise and fall, counting his respiration rate, often dozing off with my hand on his chest.
Exhausted, I did my best to care for his three older brothers, 10, 8 and 5. When December dawned, I decorated and baked in a fog of fatigue.
We reached a milestone on Dec. 23 – Sam’s final post-op visit. Snow fell heavily as I packaged a plate of Christmas cookies for the surgeon’s office.
Each visit began with a series of chest X-rays, and I’d grown adept at deciphering the shadowy shapes in my son’s chest cavity.
Dr. Randall Holland examined Sam, moving his stethoscope over his chest, listening intently while my baby grabbed his hair and blew spit bubbles. Scratching his head, Holland stood, and then once again bent over Sam, listening, listening …
Then he tickled Sam’s three chins and turned to scrutinize the latest X-rays while I wrestled the wriggly baby back into his winter layers and waited for the surgeon to speak.
But he didn’t say a word. Instead, he let out a low whistle, peering at the images. Running his fingers through his hair, he whistled again, and then said, “Cindy, I’d like you to take a look at these.”
And my heart sank.
This was it. The moment I’d dreaded since the hours following Sam’s diagnosis. The moment when I’d learn the nightmare hadn’t ended. The other shoe had dropped and I didn’t know if I could bear it.
Seeing my stricken face, Holland beckoned me closer.
“What’s that?” he asked, pointing to the image.
“That’s Sam’s right lung,” I answered.
He nodded and pointed to the other side of the image.
“And what’s that?”
“That’s Sam’s left lung,” I dutifully replied.
Silence. Apparently, lack of sleep was making me hallucinate.
“Except he doesn’t have a left lung …” I mumbled.
“He didn’t,” Holland agreed. “But he does now.”
He traced the outline with his finger. “A fully-functioning left lung.”
And the surgeon beamed.
I clutched Sam and sank down into a chair, tears falling, dampening his downy blond head like melting snowflakes.
“I don’t understand. Is this a miracle?”
Still smiling, Holland shrugged. “We don’t like to use that word, but I’ve honestly never seen anything like this before.”
Dazed, I left his office, trying to process the news.
That night as usual, I sat at Sam’s cradle feeling his lungs (lungs!) expand, watching my hand on his chest rise and fall. The clock ticked its way to Christmas Eve and I finally climbed into bed, where for the first time since Sam’s birth, I slept – truly slept.
Today at some point, my 6-foot, 1-inch baby boy will bend down and wrap his arms around me. I’ll lay my head on his chest and feel it rise and fall, grateful for the reminder.
Christmas has always been about miracles.
Contact Cindy Hval at firstname.lastname@example.org. She is the author of “War Bonds: Love Stories From the Greatest Generation.” Follow her on Twitter at @CindyHval.